Nelson & Slocan Valley Photographer bio picture
  • Oh hi. Welcome to my mind. This is where my fleeting thoughts can rest and the world can be viewed through my lens. Do scroll down, there are plenty of frozen moments for you to see.

heartbreak

I saw the first crocus’s of the season today. I also held a sweet honey bee in the palm of my hand. I was so overwhelmed with sweetness. To hold such a delicate creature was almost unbearable. My heart was breaking in the best way possible. I felt such love for the tiniest one. Spring is stirring and I already can’t handle it.

Oh my heart.

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I want to pause, give thanks to the winter. What a winter it was.

Slow, quiet, and reflective.

As one season melts into the next, I sit and wonder what will unfold for me. I can dream and wish but ultimately I must breathe and experience – welcoming what comes. Such a life this existence. Such a mysteriously rich and heartbreakingly beautiful existence.

I soften and dream into being.

faux dreams (3 of 4)

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choose your own adventure

Oh winter, must you cling so tightly.

How I yearned for you. Now I yearn for the sun to kiss my skin, while birds chirp and bees buzz lazily.

Please forgive my ever changing heart. 

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I fear I am searching for happiness in spring, this searching is futile. Happiness will not magically appear at the end of this winter journey. Happiness lives in my breath, my senses, my heart, in the slush, and the grey. I know happiness lives in the present, but I don’t always choose it.

It’s more than just searching for happiness though – there is a waiting that’s happening inside me. What of this waiting… what am I waiting for? Maybe if I remove all the barriers I’ve created, I will stare happiness in the face. Wait, what if I take happiness off it’s pedestal? Yes. 

All this thinking – I’m not even un-happy.

drab (3 of 3) drab (1 of 3) drab (2 of 3)

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thoughts on thoughts

 

Only Awareness Remains

Life moves, undulates, breathes in and out, contracting and expanding. This is its nature, the nature of what is. Whatever is, is on the move. Nothing remains the same for very long. The mind wants everything to stop so that it can get its foothold, find its position, so it can figure out how to control life. Through the pursuit of material things, knowledge, ideas, beliefs, opinions, emotional states, spiritual states, and relationships, the mind seeks to find a secure position from which to operate.

The mind seeks to nail life down and get it to stop moving and changing. When this doesn’t work, the mind begins to seek the changeless, the eternal, something that doesn’t move. But the mind of thought is itself an expression of life’s movement and so must always be in movement itself. When there is thought, that thought is always moving and changing. There is really no such thing as thought. There is only thinking, so thought which is always moving (as thinking) cannot apprehend the changeless.

When thought enters into the changeless it goes silent. When thought goes silent, the thinker, the psychological “me,” the image-produced self, disappears. Suddenly it is gone. You, as an idea, are gone. Awareness remains alone. There is no one who is aware. Awareness itself is itself. You are now no longer the thought, nor the thinker, nor someone who is aware. Only awareness remains, as itself. Then, within awareness, thought moves. Within the changeless, change happens.

Now awareness expresses itself. Awareness is always expressing itself: as life, as change, as thought, feelings, bodies, humans, plants, trees, cars, etc. Awareness yields to itself, to its inherent creativity, to its expression in form, to experience itself. The changeless is changing. The eternal is living and dying. The formless is form. The form is formless. This is nothing the mind could have ever imagined

– Adayashanti

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My mind is often searching for some footing, something to anchor to so that it may try and “control” life. I know that when I am trying to control life that is when discomfort shows up, usually as anxiety. I have been at war with my mind for a number of years now. Maybe it is time to surrender and simply be aware of life expressing itself through thinking. According to the poem above – when the thinker (me) is silent, I disappear. Why am I always trying to disappear…

What would happen if I allowed my mind to wander and think into all the dark corners. What if I stopped resisting?

Maybe I will find the ease and peace I’m searching for,

or not.

hush (2 of 2)

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attachment

The past few weeks have left me musing about attachment. I had a significant amount of my hair cut off recently that I wasn’t ready for. I was (maybe still am) reeeeeeally attached to my hair and my identity of being a long haired person.  I also had a  person step into my life for a moment and then step out. It stirred up feelings I haven’t felt in a long time and has left me pondering this idea of attachment. Attachment to people, ideas, objects, beliefs, etc. I can understand the idea of not attaching oneself to something/someone as attachment leads to suffering, but I am a long way from not having any attachments. 

 I sometimes like to suffer though. I love sitting in the pit of utter despair and sadness, just for a short moment however. I don’t linger long in the pit. It’s cathartic, beautiful, creative, and insane. 

I am still unabashedly attached to many many things, and I’m fine with that. I love to indulge, and since indulging in self-reflection is one of my favourite things, having attachments guarantees things for me to reflect about. Self fulfilling.

Muwahahahaha.

 

icy-river-1-of-1

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Stone Spiral Gifts

I know a wonderful human who makes beautiful, handcrafted beeswax candles. My dear friend Roxy, of Stone Spiral Gifts uses local (when available) beeswax and creates these stunning masterpieces. If you’re looking for a christmas gift, I highly recommend these candles. She has an Etsy store, so if you don’t live locally, you can order candles and have it shipped to your home.

You can also find her facebook page here.

Enjoy!

 

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winter is coming

Yeah, I’m pretty excited for the snow to fly. While I do love hitting the slopes, snowboarding isn’t what gets me excited about winter. I love the muted silence that comes with a fresh snow. There is pause, space to just be. Everything is blanketed in such beauty. The crispness of the air, the crunch underfoot. What a glorious thing this snow. A time to snuggle in, slow down, and dream. 

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Even in the pouring rain, there is magic

You can’t tell, but it is absolutely POURING in these photos. I got my vehicle super stuck in the the mud after this shoot. Actually, it was my work vehicle!! I really wanted to go down into this valley to take photos, and I found a road. Everything was fine until I started going down a hill that was narrow and muddy. It took me the better part of an hour to get out of there, but I’ll spare you the muddy details of how I rescued myself. Thanks to growing up in the country, I have a bit of experience getting un-stuck.

Don’t tell my boss. 

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rain-2-of-5rain-5-of-5rainy dayz

 

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