I believe in perfection.
Frustrated, overwhelmed, fatigued. Slowing down is the intention, but when and how? I’ve created this suffering myself, and it’s just where I’m at today, it’s not forever. Deep breaths lead to remembering. One foot in front of the other and don’t look back – there is nothing there for me.
Find the extraordinary in the ordinary and you will not be disappointed. This woman is super duper extraordinary, and where we took photos one might say is ordinary, but not today. This old logging road may seem ordinary to those not looking for the extraordinary – but let me tell you, magic can be anywhere you want it to be.
While the familiarity of old friends and places has left me feeling nostalgic and content, the noise, lights, pace, and vibration of the city has left me feeling
a bit weary.
I need the quiet of the forest to recharge. Alone time is essential to my well being.
Be still and listen, the earth is singing.
Sitting in quiet stillness, eyes and heart open to the beauty, to the art that is everything. Life is art, and art is life, colour your dreams as you wish.
“When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. Your innermost sense of self, of who you are is inseparable with stillness. This is the I Am that is deeper than name and form.”
What does it mean to die? Where do we go? Do we go anywhere, or is that it, the TV just shuts off? Shoooop. What is that moment like, standing on the precipice of the void. Do we get to decide when we don’t want to play the game anymore? Is there a fleeting moment where time doesn’t exist, where we stand face to face with ourself, witnessing our full history in a brief flash?
Wow, what if I could really understand the gift in knowing that I will die one day. That each morning I wake up is a new day, a fresh start. To really feel in my heart what a blessing it is to be here, to experience this life. To truly allow myself to feel how much love I have to give, and how much is available receive.
How relieving it would be if I could break down the walls I’ve built. If I could see through my judgements and stories I have; I really am a great story teller! What would it feel like to really feel my feelings, to feel my heart? Oh… the time I spend locked in my self-built cage, hiding. Why? Why do I waste so much precious time living in fear? Not starting something – out of fear. Fear of failing, of being terrible, ungraceful. Oy.
Today I was present when a person left this reality. I did not know this person, nor do I know their family. I don’t fully know how I feel about their passing, I need some time. I do know that death is a part of life, and it will one day come calling for me. I also know that I want to be as present as I can, moment to moment, experiencing all the things life has to offer. The good, the not so good, the beauty and the beast. I want to live with my eyes wide open, my heart wild and pounding, and when death knocks on my door I can answer with open arms.
It was a while back now, but life happens and things get put on hold. I had the honour of meeting Lara Blackman of Small Town Frocks. I was helping with another project, and Lara was being featured in said project. I’d love to tell you more about this other project, but unfortunately the project manager is having their life happen and well… life happens right?! Anyway, Lara is a mighty force. She has a wild story and is an AMAZING sewer. Check out her website here, check out her facebook here, and you can check out her Etsy store here. It was a pleasure for me to see her beautiful studio, her amazing felt wigs and to just be in her presence. What a beautiful soul. Three cheers for beauty.
One of the hats I wear is a farmer hat. Actually, when I’m out in the garden I wear a mesh back truckers hat, but you catch my drift. Anyway, hats aside, I have teamed up with one of my super best friends to farm this year at Hoe Down CSA. I was a glorified helper last year, but this year I’ve stepped up and I’m now Kate’s farm partner. WOAH! Next level. I am learning so much about farming and myself. It’s been interesting to see where resistance shows up for me and how I deal with it. I’m finding resistance when I’m faced with a task I haven’t done before, or have little experience with. This is a thing for me – not enjoying things I’m not good at. I might suck, or look foolish, or have to ask a million questions. So, what a perfect place I’ve found myself. Smack dab in the middle of learning and growing and pushing back against my resistance and leaning into my insecurities. I look forward to all the growing I will witness this season. Not only the plants in the garden but in myself. Who will I be at the seasons end? Stay tuned.
My farmin truckers hat
Tying the raspberry canes
Parsnips that spent the winter in the ground. Delicious.
Potting up tomatoes… I have to admit – not my most favourite task.
I feel so blessed to live where I do. Early morning fills me with hope, with courage and with wonder. The day is so new – anything could happen. There is so much time for dreams to come true. Tomorrow I am sitting in a women’s ceremony where I will carry the magic of my dreams into the journey, open my heart and exhale into reality. Blessings. ♡
I have been training the past few weeks for an upcoming fitness test. I am a forest firefighter and we must pass a fitness test. It’s not that gruelling and I’m definitely into being fit and healthy, It’s just that I’m not really into pushup or sit ups, or walking 5km carrying 45lbs in 45 mins… It’s good for me though as it pushes me to be more disciplined, I could use more discipline in my life. – Back to doing more pushups. Gah!
When I opened my eyes this morning, it was snowing. I love the lunacy of spring weather. Yesterday for example, it was glorious, sunny and warm. Today is socked in, flurries flurry then change to rain. The sun peaks out, only to hide away again. It’s so moody! It’s a perfect day to stay inside reading, listening to music and having an art attack. I did go out earlier to feel the flakes on my cheeks. It could be the very last time.
For the past few weeks I’ve started off my morning writing Morning Pages. It’s an exercise from the Artists Way. I sit here with my tea in the morning, and write out all of my fleeting thoughts, a continuous stream of consciousness. At first I was skeptical and not too stoked on the idea of writing 3 full sized pages of jumbled thoughts. Now, I look forward to it. I’m really trying to not sensor myself, to just write down whatever is going through my mind. It’s amazing what goes through my mind. Although, I’m not really surprised. It’s been a great practise thus far, and I look forward to re-reading them at some point.
Week #2 of the artists way… I’m a bit behind this week, oops.
Sometimes when the light is just right outside, I find myself out chasing it. I need to be in this light, capture it – I obsess over it. Chasing the light… we all know you can’t chase the light, but I do it anyway. I sometimes find myself searching for that perfect shot, with perfect light and perfect this and perfect that. But really, the perfection happens when I drop my expectations and see the perfection in all the imperfections. That’s where the magic is!
Searching for the perfect imperfections.
My goodness this world is beautiful. Spring is my absolute FAVOURITE season. I do love all the season, but spring kills me. I spend a lot of time with wet eyes in the spring, and not because I have allergies. Spring is so beautiful I can barely handle it sometimes. Here are a few photos from the past couple of weeks. Not quite the bursting spring I’m talking about, but we’re getting close, it’s the equinox after all!
This is the Slocan river. What a magnificent river!
This photo was taken in Nelson from the orange bridge overlooking Kootenay Lake. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
These Tress! Ahh, they were dancing across the river. Such characters.
Stay tuned for spring EXPLODING!
The last of the winters snow is loosing its grip. Soon the grasses and the soil will be free to breathe deeply, soak in the rays of the spring sun and begin to stir to life once again. While I am very exited for spring to explode, there is a small part of me that mourns the loss (for now) of the slow, quiet of winter. This photo depicts a lot of that feeling inside me. The raw, bareness that winter leaves in its wake. That still moment, between breaths as one clings to the past, resides in the present and yearns for the future.
It was so hot when we took these photos in the Cowhican Valley, but well worth the heat. This mama is about to have her 5th child. Wow. You are an inspiration Jennie. Such a sweet woman.
And then a few of Jennie and her 3 girls.